Exactly!
I lay awake that night falling back wards like in a dream where you keep falling but I was wide awake. My mind running out of control, my whole life was based on a lie, my marriage chosen by rules, my wife captive to a ideology as myself, my chose of employment dictated to me by men who now seem like strangers, my world view on people, money, sex and life skewed.
For 9 years ago i was ill after an accident and was home booring. Checked some JW word out on internet.
-Stunned... 8 hours reading.. and i had relesed the cat out of the box...
The night and the days after this was exactly as the topic starter..
38 years of living partly right in the trash bin...